i should be the new Aveeno spokesperson (aka back off fucking mosquitoes!)

if i were the spokesperson my commercial would be:


"this weekend i was out at a stag-ette all lovely and gussied up and having a great time despite the bigot at my table. but i had 9 mosquito bites on one foot that itched like a racist bitch and asked the girls at the table if anyone had an axe so that i could chop off my offending foot. since none of them did, i considered gnawing off my foot and walking around with bloody stumps all night just to numb the pain...but the stumps wouldn't have gone with with my dress.
now i use fucking Aveeno everything; soap, shower gel, lotion, bath oil, bath soak....hell, i'd even use shampoo and toilet paper if they fucking made it! anyway, now i no longer want to amputate my limbs. thanks Aveeno."


so now i smell like oatmeal, which is not the worst smell ever, but i really prefer to smell like fruit or gardenias or something. guess that's out for the summer.

if i took photos of every bite i received over the last 3 days, i would have enough pics to get through HNT until early november (which would be very boring for everyone unless they were an entomologist) . i must be a very tasty young lady.