Dear Mister dead Melvil Dewey,
What the fuck is up with the fucking 500s? Because there seem to be more books in that goddamn section than anywhere else in your lovely decimal system and it's really irking my nerves. And it's all the fault of the animals. So perhaps a better person to ask about the problem would be God. God, why all the animals? Because I'm sick of filing books about them. And for some reason, children seem to like animals a lot, I'm not really sure why, but it's making my job really fucking boring. Why can't we just have 10 animals or something? I think we should just have:
1) cats
2) dogs
3) horses
4) ducks
5) rabbits
6) tigers
7) giraffes
8) elephants
9) crocodiles
10) dolphins
...because that's all we really need. Who cares about manatees or chinchillas or armadillos or marsupials? Having 10 animals would really make things easier; some kid would ask for a book on lemurs and I'd say, "kid, there no such thing...how bout a book on kittens?" and be on my merry way. And I wouldn't be wasting my time on pandas, koalas, polarbears, and fucking dinosaurs. Hell, who cares about dinosaurs, they've been extinct for how long? Seriously, just let it go people!
Some day, if I am ever in charge of a library, I will just leave out the 500s entirely and give the hand to anyone who asks about squirrels and play dumb when someone wants a book about wombats. Were you expecting the 500s? Well you've come to the wrong library bitch! Maybe one of those newfangled bookstores will have a book, but I doubt it because wombats don't exist you stupid fuck...or didn't you get that memo? There would, however, be books about cows, pigs, and chickens but only in the 640s under recipes because I don't really give a shit about cows other than my steak and leather shoes.
It also doesn't help that things like air and caves and fossil and rainforests are also in the 500s. Like the damn gazillion animals weren't enough for me to worry about it! It's as though you weren't thinking when you did this. But you're dead and can't fix your huge mistake. Great.
Sincerely hating you right now during library inventory prep,
Ago-go
posted by ago-go @ 12:27 a.m.
5 Comments:
What have you got against marsupials? That's pretty much all we've got over here. Oh, sorry, I forgot about the ones that kill you. i.e. the spiders, crocodiles, snakes, jellyfish, birds, sharks, octopus. You need to let the kiddies read about that so they learn not to pick up anything pretty in Oz that wriggles :)
I see no birds on your list (duckies don't count). Does that mean that the horny slut bird friend and her friends won't be waking me up in about 3 hours? I also see a lack of goldfish. You should keep goldfish. They're a college boy's rite of passage. I'd replace the cats with the goldfish, if I were in charge.
what about the unicorns? where the hell are they?
i think i might still be a little drunk..... its almost 10 am.
ian, marsupials creep me out, not really sure why but they just look odd.
and i think kids who get killed by sharks and snakes and jellyfish because they are stupid and don't know any better are just helping us along with natural selection. the fucking herd needs some thinnin'!
os, ok, goldfish can still exist but there will be no books on them. how complex is a goldfish? not very.
and if i had my way, slut bird would leave you alone...although i don't recall ever shelving any 'slut bird' books.
steph, of course unicorns are still in! they're are in the 000s and i'm leaving that section alone. no worries hon.
thats what i like to hear.
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