Sin City rocks! aka jessica alba, can i please have your baby? pretty please...

i mentioned Sin City in an earlier post and i thought i should express my love for it in its own post. don't worry, no spoilers...

go see it, it kicks ass! not only because the only woman i would ever desert men for was in it (jessica alba, my movie wife...i even suffered through 'Honey' just to catch a glimpse of her glistening, golden, undulating abs....sigh....kay, the puddle of drool is starting to form...), but because it was awesome.

6 reasons it was good

1) bruce willis didn't piss me off for once. seriously, he was good (although he did look totally confused as usual).

2) i did not even recognize mickey rourke, this may be a comeback role for the man.

3) jessica alba, all oiled up and dancing with a lasso. mmmmm, that's reason enough to see it! down girl...

4) visually fucking stunning, would never know it was done with green screen. total eye-candy.

5) totally hilarious film noir melodramatic voice-over narration.

"the darkness covered me like a blanket. the dark...so cold...cold like my soul...empty."

i just made that up but you know, crap like that. that bullshit cracks me up every time. i want to write film noir voice-overs!

6) it was over before i knew it...that's the sign of a good movie.


3 signs Sin City was written/directed/produced by men

1) boobs and boobs in slooooooooow motion. kay, i got it. james king has great tits...i don't need to see them anymore.

2) asses, lots of asses.

3) bruce willis. all men seem to want to be bruce willis, i'm not quite sure why.


4 complaints about it

1) carla gugino has no ass. not digging the ass-less women.

2) elijah wood and his annoying, googly-eyed hobbitness. yuck! go away, i don't like you.

3) britney murphy, simpering bitch. why do you exist?

4) oh and josh hartnett....what the fuck? yeah, i'm sure they thought of you first when casting the role, whatever. what role josh, what role? (if anyone sees the movie and actually gets why he's there, please tell me...)


and semi-unrelated aside. while watching the pre-movie commercials, pictures of beyonce, j-lo, nicole kidman, cameron diaz, and natalie portman came on the screen and the guy sitting behind me says, "yeah, i'd do em' all", as though these celebs are just sitting around, waiting to have sex with him or something. why do guys say shit like this? and this isn't some 22 year old boy, this a grown man, at least in his mid 30s! it's like yeah man, you might do em' all but none of em' would do you and that's what really counts. so this other commercial comes on with a really ugly old man and gross teenaged boy and i say really loudly to my friend, "yeah, i'd do em' all"...dumbass.