lowered expectations...
sometimes i think i'm getting pickier about men as i get older, but i'm also realizing that there are some 'requirements' that might not be as important as i originally thought.
it wasn't like i ever said, "i'll never date anyone who's shorter than me (that's just dumb for tall girls to do because it really limits the dating pool) or doesn't make over 70 grand a year, but more of the, "oh, it would be nice if he has good hair, nice teeth, and a car". for a while the car was big on the list because the first 3 guys i ever dated didn't have cars so i was always the chauffeur. no, that's a lie, #3 had a car but he couldn't drive it. it was a hearse and it was parked in his parents' front yard, so it was probably best i was driving after all.
anywho, my requirements are generally no car-less boys, no over testosterone-saturated jocks, no boys who play video games too much, no one who says the Tragically Hip is their favourite band (it just won't work out)...
ashton doesn't have a car, and he's kind of a jock, and he's kind of a gamer...but right now i don't freakin' care! he's just fun and i like being with him.
is this settling or is it just being realistic? there's never going to be a perfect person, just someone 'good enough' who makes me feel good, thinks i'm beautiful, funny, and cool...i figure that's all i can really aim for.
shit, i don't know where the hell i'm going with this...nowhere probably. sounds like i'm on my way to another jake gyllenhaal/tobey mcguire type post coming up again soon...not a good sign...
posted by ago-go @ 12:19 a.m.
27 Comments:
You should look for the positive aspects. Rather than "no this...", and "no that...", you should build yourself a man with the attributes you want.
I used to have a list when I was in college. Blond, fit under my arm, Catholic, breasts (but not too big), cute ass, pouty lips, preferrably a flutist--dumbass things like that. Needless to say, I found one like that, but every other guy on campus had the same list, so it was like little sperm-guys attacking an ovum. Only one got in. And it wasn't me.
Years of wisdom and failure (really, aren't they the same thing?) has whittled the list down considerably. The only things now are: 1) they should play piano (or other musical instrument, but piano is preferred), 2) they should play golf, and 3) they should play poker. And they should play 2 of the 3 very well. All the lessons of life, the give-and-take of relationships, and all of "the answers" can be found in those three things.
Oh, and they should also be breathing. That's sort of important too.
I think you are just being realistic. Sure we would all love to get the complete package, but we can't. It doesn't mean you can't still filter certain things. Maybe you don't want to date smokers, be picky about that.
Yes, it's possible the grass may always be greener, but it will work out. My wife is a beautiful person to, but sure there are more attractive or equally attractive women. I used to think I would never date or marry anyone under five foot five, not sure how many cm that is, but learned it was a foolish requirement. Most importantly she gets who I am and to me... that's all that matters. I only ask the same thing of my friends, just got to know me and we are good to go.
ago- im not sure on this one - i feel like i have settled in the past and don't plan on doing it again.
E and I were talking about this last night and decided that at our age we should go ahead and make that list and stick to it to avoid the pitfalls we have made in the past. There are certain values/traits that you simply cannot settle on if you are going to be happy in the long run.
That is why I am sticking with becoming a lesbian nun.
os --i'm trying to look for positive stuff and there's plenty of it! actually, there was so much positive stuff that i didn't even realize how he didn't fit until i started to think about it...so maybe that's a good thing.
seriously, my requirements are:
1) be employed
2) don't smoke (thanks egan for reminding me)
3) think i'm funny as hell
4) don't have the tragically hip as your favourite band
btw, i am so loving you for the gift of my name anagram. if i ever get a website it will be called 'Hostile angel climaxes'!
I have to ask what your aversion is to the Tragically Hip. You can refer me to a blog post, if it exists.
Agreed on the four points you brought up. Could you whisper your real name in my ear please? Thanks.
egan --thanks for the reassurance, i feel better.
oh, and the one place metric never caught on in Canada was in the height/weight category, so i'm all good with 5'5".
the hip just suck. i am a bad canadian but i don't care. gord downey sounds like a bleating sheep and i'm not big on bleating sheep singers. also, boys who like them generally like beer and hockey too much...and i am a really bad canadian and don't like hockey, or beer really for that matter.
maybe i should have a 'guess my name from the anagram' contest...the winner would get a Monchichi t-shirt!
steph --i guess i'm thinking that 'settling' might have a different definition than i originally thought; it's more about personality and how you treat me than about being or not being certain things. and yes, there are certain things (like tempers and drug use) that i will no longer compromise on. (that was a badly formed sentence...)
and i'm very interested that no one blinked at the fucking hearse! ...y'all must have had some messed up relationships too.
Ago, I adore your candidness. Once again you lay down the law. My friend from BC tells me I should like The Hip since he thinks they sound like REM. I failed to notice the similarities though and never took a liking to them.
Going cruising in my hearse right now. Want a ride Avril? Oh, Avril isn't your name? My bad.
Caught the hearse thing, but my grandfather owned a funeral home, so it didn't seem terribly odd. He'd drive the limo they use for the next of kin for me and my friends for proms, etc. He never did let me fool around in the back of the hearse, though....
What I did notice was your use of "y'all". You're the second blogger north of the border that I've seen use that. Something I would have expected from Steph or Andi. What's up with that??
Glad you like the anagram thing. I tried your new name on one of those others I mention--with 5000 possibilities. Couldn't find anything that really worked for you. I'm going to do the name game in pieces. Is Michelle part of the puzzle??
I actually have a legitimate attempt at your name, but I don't know if you want me to post it or not. Any suggestions?
ago- who do people tell you you look like?
os --i sometimes say y'all to bug my father (who is from alabama), we talk 'southern' to each other a lot!
hmmmm, as for the name thing, that's tricky...ah hell, post it here, i'll check back, delete your post (so egan can play too...cover your eyes young man!)and give you an answer.
egan honey, pick me up at 8, don't be late. and you'd better have some coolio blasting in the hearse! and REM totally kicks the hip's ass 10 gazillion times over in my opinion.
steph --a long time ago some guy told me i looked like the transvestite from The Crying Game. and as attractive as Jay Davidson or whatever his name is was, it's never right to tell a woman she looks like a man in drag.
another time someone stopped me in a mall and said i looked like 'dead keisha' from 'Days of our Lives', yes, she actually said 'dead keisha'! apparently dead keisha died of AIDS on the show...strike 2...
why? do you think i look like someone?
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shit man...you rock! there were a few clues floating around in my blog but that's pretty damn good!
i don't know if they make Monchichi t-shirts in your size though...
Girlfriend, when you were fifteen, you wanted 100%, when you're twenty five you want 90%, when you're thirty five you want 80%...
It sounds sad but it's not - it's wisdom
Are you kidding me? First guess?? I swear I didn't go looking for clues! Your secret is mine (and a damned sexy name, too!).
As for the shirt--I can guarantee there's not one in my size! A picture of you in one (maybe one in a size to small....) would be prize enough!
And some other anagrams that came up:
"Michelle, nostaglia sex"
"Climax, gentile asshole"
"Asshole exclaim tingle"
Somewhat cute, but nothing like "hostile angel climaxes"!
captain, welcome aboard. according to your formula i'm looking for about 87%, i guess that's reality and it'll have to do.
os, i'll see what i can do about the pic. maybe when steph and i get married, we can wear Monchichi t-shirts for the wedding photos...
Osbassso, you suck man. First guess and you got her name. I will be stuck forever. I can't stand not knowing people's real names when addressing them, but such is life in the blog world. It does make it so much more difficult to stalk too. Perhaps I shouldn't joke about that since it could happen.
Y'all come now you hear! (me fixin' to get ready for bed)
Egan--neener, neener, neener!
ago- im thinking Angie Harmon...
mmmmmmm.... angie harmon......
im gonna marry angie - that makes me happy.
steph, i remind you of Angie Harmon? she is very hot! and what's extra funny is that she was my dad's tv girlfriend when she was on Law & Order (i think because she looks almost exactly how my mom looked when she was in her late 20s.)
that is waaaay better than looking like dead keisha or the crying game tranny...thank you, thank you, thank you....
My revised expectations:
1. Don't smell.
2. Don't tell me I should go "easy on the 'taters."
3. Fuck me whenever I want/need to be fucked.
4. Don't ever touch my car.
5. Work and pay your own bills.
6. Don't blame your mother for your problems.
7. Don't get drunk just so you can blame your penis problems on the alochol.
I used to want a guy that reads books, but I realize that's asking for too much.
D.
i'm hearing you d and would agree with your list. i'd add to that no passive-agressive dudes.
and i don't know why finding someone who reads is so damn hard but it seems to be impossible!
Yes, passive aggressiveness has to be the worst quality because it encompasses so many ugly smaller qualities. Riyyyght?
Guys that read books are SO sexy.
Gee, I might have to start reading books....
Os, how can a man of music not see the importance of a GOOD BOOK? Ugh! I give up on men.
Oh, you misunderstand--I certainly know the importance of a good book. My TV stand is level due to a stack of good books. My flower and leaf collection is nice and flat because of a few good books. I keep a pint of vodka hidden in the cut out pages of a good book.
Just kidding.... I just never find the time to read them. Rehearse, practice, perform, eat, poop, sleep. That's generally my day, not necessarily in that order.
non...and the passive-agressive ones can fool you for a bit into thinking that they're just 'sensitive' when they're really fucking seething with rage. at least if you're a total asshole with anger and temper problems it's usually pretty obvious from the start.
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