he broke my heart...i'm not really sad about it anymore, just confused....
(Subtitled: oh fuck, here comes the serious shit again. and no, it wasn't ashton...at least not yet)
i think i've finally realized what's been wrong with me and why i was (or maybe, i still am) having so much trouble getting over the stupid boy. while it's been almost a month since i've even felt inclined to write about him, it turns out the problem was simple...thanks to non-vocab for commenting on my blog and making me give the quick version of what happened, which also happened to be the truth...
he broke my heart.
that has never happened to me before. ever. i've been sad about breakups but i've never had my heart broken which i guess is weird. i guess i'm lucky (or unlucky) to have lived 28 years before a boy broke my heart. that explains why it fucking hurt like hell for so long and why i was hanging on, and feeling sad about it, and wanting him to change his mind. that's why i've been so confused about why i've was hanging on, and feeling sad about it, and wanting him to change his mind, because i've never felt this before and i didn't know what to do and how to fix it...or if it was fixable at all.
what does it mean that someone had the power to break my heart? does it reveal anything about what we had? does it mean that there was something there or just that i got sucked in too deep? and the timing for realizing this is particularly inconvenient because i'm starting to really like someone else right now...and while i'm usually pleasantly distracted by ashton these days, i still have these stupid moments of wishful thinking about him. it's all very confusing and makes me totally paranoid that the same thing will happen with ashton.
this post, i've realized, is a freakin' rambling mess...i just don't want it to happen again. to have my heart broken again. i think that would be very very bad for me right now. is there any way to ensure it doesn't happen again? of course fucking not...
posted by ago-go @ 12:48 a.m.
13 Comments:
Wow girl - I don't know what to say. All I know is that boys suck and they are mean and we should become lesbian nuns. That will show 'em.
I was 28 before I got my heart broken too and I do not plan on letting that happen again.
Luv-smuv. That's what I say.
Ago, enjoy it as it comes. I've had mine broken and am now completely paranoid with men. They're all pigs (except for Egan and Osbasso), but I've resigned myself to liking them even though I know I'll end up hurt or something every time.
I'd become a lesbo, but I love to hate men too much.
Thanks, D! I agree--I won't have anything to do with 'em.
(I'll assume Egan got first billing because it's alphabetical, and he's younger....)
Interesting reading here. Read some of the old posts about Mr. On the Way. Sucks big time that you had to drive by his place all the time. I remember doing similar stuff when I was single. I would get all worked up about a certain woman and then want to know every single thing I could about her. Where does she live, what does she eat, former schools, cars, etc.
Ago, I don't think there's a way to prevent your heart from getting broken again. I don't think you should try to prevent that from happening either. If you have that "don't get heart broken again" thought in your head, it's going to play nasty games with your emotions. Hopefully it won't happen again, but don't stress over it too much. Sure it's easy for me to say this via your blog and not to your face, but I hope this will help with Ashton or other guys.
Reading your post from March and February is quite enlightening in a refreshing way. Your thoughts about the last guy seem quite normal as I think most of us have been there. Relationships are always complicated, even when you're married.
Best of luck with the new guy. Hit up your male readers for advice and we will comply.
NonV, thanks for the kind words.
do lesbian nuns get to sleep all day and eat junk food? i hope so...
thank you guys very much...making me feel tonnes better.
dena --i'm trying to enjoy it as it comes, and so far i've been fairly successful. it's just these stupid moments that keep popping and fucking with my head...i know i'll get nowhere if i just hate them and never open up but it's just so much safer. i'm all about the safety.
egan --thank you muchly for the offer of advice, i will definitely take you up on that.
and i'm glad you're not a pig because i've decided that we're having at least 2 children together -Aloyisius and Athena, both girls!
So if we have these two kids, please don't tell my wife or make us attend a taping of the Montel or Maury shows. I will be privvy to the reason and refuse to attend. Unless the topic of that show is "Hot Canadian Women and How They Plan on Saving America".
"Athena, please don't kiss and tell. Aloysius, go to your room now or it's Timeout for you."
I'm with Steph...lesbian nuns. Promiscuous lesbian nuns. I've had my heart stomped on, and I have no answers, but a journal at the bookstore sums it up nicely:
Boys are stupid. Throw rocks at them.
Andi, no rock throwing please. Boys aren't as complicated or dumb as we may seem. I know this may not be the best blog to drum up support for positive male stories, but we mean well.
...and by best blog.. I just mean there aren't a lot of male readers. That's why I love Ago's blog and you have to love her take on things.
A sense of humor goes a long way with me. Keep up the great work.
Fuck all y'all with this love talk: I'm just horny.
Bring me a penis, for I am hungry!
Os, yes, it was purely alphabetical :)
Egan, you're most welcome :)
Ago, I'm here to hold your broken heart. Talk to me anytime...I'm really good at shutting up and listening.
andi --promiscuous lesbian nuns (who get to eat lots of chocolate) sounds like a fine idea!
dena --i may call on you to hold my broken heart...i'm hoping it won't be anytime soon but with boys you never know.
kat --i know the weather isn't helping. we had a few hours of sun yesterday and now we're back to haze...that's day 8!
Post a Comment
<< Home