alas, i remain undefined...
the pd was freakin' dumb. i know that's not very descriptive but it was dumb, horrible, and life-force-sucking. sitting on my ass for 7 hours was so damn painful, emotionally and physically. i woke up at 8 in the morning and didn't even get to wear my thong or midriff shirt because it was 1 degree outside and it was fucking snowing! snowing.
there were about 100 women and 3, count em', 3 men at this thing....one was wearing the worst plaid pants i had ever seen, one looked petrified, and the other one was the presenter! and apparently, he chose 'secretary' as the term to use because he deemed it most inclusive. who the hell is he kidding? since when is 'secretary' an inclusive term?
to get through the day i drank about 7 cups of tea, 8 glasses of water, and i even succumbed to a coke (that's big for me!). needless to say that i had to use the washroom a lot. do you think there were enough washrooms for 100 women? of course not. so i used the men's room. all these 'secretaries' were shocked at my brazenness..."whisper, whisper...what if a man comes in? oh my!" hell, there were only 3 men there in the first place and i could certainly take the petrified guy and bad plaid pants man no problem. the presenter had a big of a gut on him so that would have taken a bit more effort. but what do they expect us to do when they feed us liquids for 7 hours straight? expect 100 women to wait for 4 bathroom stalls?
and after all that, the guy didn't even tell us who "the secretary i want to be" is! hello? that's why i fucking showed up you silly man! but from sitting in a room with 100 'secretaries' for 7 hours, i now have some ideas about the secretary i don't want to be.
the secretary i don't want to be
by ago
1) is named Pat, Anne, Susan, or Shirley
2) wears atrocious gold wedding rings soldered together
3) wears an equally ugly opal ring on her right hand
3) is dumpy and has bad taste in clothes
4) has bad hair (it's been a while since i've seen so many bad perms, mullet-ish dos, and frosted highlights)
5) is about 45 years old
all of those things=not me! thank god.
posted by ago-go @ 11:02 a.m.
22 Comments:
This whole event sounds like a pscyhology experiment.
Description: Put one gorgeous young librarian in a room with 100 hairy-lipped, bad-permed secretaries, tease her with one man in bad plaid pants, which will force her to think how much more attractive crab pants would be, and see how she fares. If she begins to pluck her own hair or lick her neighbors, remove from test site immediately.
Glad you survived!
Love it Andi and Ago. That didn't sound like a great experience at all. I can't believe you used the men's room. (kidding here) How cool. I think it's awesome when I have company of the opposite sex in the bathroom. It's all good.
My question to you Ago is, did you challenge any of these hot women to a round of trivia? Do you think they know how to blog? Does the secretary you don't want to be drive a PT Cruiser? You should have unleashed the tapeworm on them.
Did you use your real name there?
andi --maybe it was a test because it was very weird. fortunately there were no neighbours i was even remotely tempted to lick....
egan --between all the tea drinking and poking myself in the eye with my pen, there was no time to talk trivia. it was all about kids and grandkids and useless husbands. so fun for me! even parts of the presentation were taken from some 'improve your marriage' book...i should now be able handle any difficulties that may arise in my non-existent marriage with my imaginary husband!
os --i used my 'real name' every chance i got...i even had a name tag!
Angelica?
Wait, where was this meeting of the minds? Let me see if I can find anything online and find that real name of yours.
egan --good guess, that one even uses all the letters...but no. think even sexier!
i love how people on your blog are getting interested in our artificial insemenation project!
Yes, they are all interested.... however you are on the top of the list. They can beg all they want, but it ain't gonna happen.
Just thought you should know I will be in your country this weekend. Meet me at Stanley Park in Vancouver on Sunday around 11:00am. See you then.
y'all are going to have the cutest little curly headed things ever...
ago - I'm lovin your new pic!!
egan --i'll be by the biggest tree, wearing my nametag.
please send me the $638 for the flight and i'll get right on it.
steph --the lynda carter is all for you baby!
oh polly, it was b-a-d! thankfully we 'secretaries' only get one PD per year (cheap bastards) so i shouldn't have to endure another one any time soon.
So to clarify Ago, does the name Angelica contain all the letters I need to spell your real name?
I'm such a poor problem solver and keep missing your subtle clues. Zut alors!
egan --angelica contains 4 of the letters in my real name. think even sexier!....sigh, think i'm going to have to think of a new clue...
Your last hint was confusing, I think. You might want to differentiate between "real" name and first or second name. Even though the last name is the easiest to find clues for!
Have I confused anyone here?
i am sure i know the last name - its the first i am stuck on
we already guessed alex right?
aggggggg!!! Is the pic change a hint or should i fcus on the X in sexier.....
im a numbers girl myself!
steph --no, you never guessed alex. alex is very very very close, but i'm not giving it to you. there's one last clue in this comment...i think you can do it!
and so i see...
thank god.
finally
egan - we now know the name of who i shall marry.
and the mother of your curly headed kiddo.
whew... sorry we are sooooo slow.... :) thanks for playing!
Steph--you've only gotten one or two parts of her name. To make it to the next level, you MUST have her full name!
Egan--since you haven't chimed in letting us know that you figured it out, I've left a clue on my blog.
i think ive got the rest :) but im not gonna post 'em.
very pretty name indeed.
steph --when you did your anagram, did you use 'stephanie' or just 'steph'?
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