oh the constant reminders of how lame i am....

sometimes you just suddenly realize that things are never going to turn out the way you want them to and today was one of those days for me. let me give some background on the situation....i split up with my long-term bf of 4+ years just over 2 months ago and still i made it through my first valentine's day alone in over 5 years unscathed and ok. and then today, i pick up the paper and find that my back-up man is getting married to someone else.

so i guess i should clarify. about 6 or 7 years ago i worked in retail and this guy was a regular customer and i had the biggest crush on him. i would get all nervous when he would come in and try to find any reason to talk to him and it was cute and silly (and fine considering i was 20 or 21...). once he brought me cookies at christmas and i nearly fainted on the spot. but he was older and didn't make any moves and i was young and nervous as hell so i never did anything. and then i finally quit that crap job and moved on and never saw him again. but he was always still my backup and i could pretend that if i didn't find anyone else, he'd somehow meet up with me and we'd hook up. or something. i mean it wasn't an active ongoing thought or anything but it was fun to pretend.

so then i pick up the paper this morning and he's right there, engaged, to someone else, a girl who i happen to have had a couple of classes with in university! and i didn't like her, at all. so i get to read all about their fucking wedding, great. and yes, i know it's him for sure because there was a photo and everything.

i mean it's not as though i actually thought i would end up with this guy, it's just that it seemed like some unnecessarily cruel reminder that i am a 28 year old with a love life so shitty that i just spent almost 5 years of my life with someone that i'm not going to be with and now even my imaginary/real dream boyfriends are marrying other people! and people i don't like at that! (note: i'm sure she's a very nice person but i still think it's quite inconsiderate that she's spoiling my dream).

i am fucking due for something good any day now...

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