losing a friend is kinda sad, even when you have to do it

so a while back i was all "rah rah" about my uplifting moment of standing up for myself in the face of bullshit...and i still am. but unfortunately i think i'm unable to remain friends with the guy with whom i had the issues. and not because of a grudge or anything, rather because i find myself better without the friendship and all the things that go along with it, at least right now.

so what happened after my tell-off session...i didn't talk to him (phone, email, otherwise) for almost 3 weeks and then this past sunday i did, and i didn't feel good about it at all. i realized that it was going to be a lot of work (on my part, not his) to maintain anything and i was tired of trying so hard to be his friend just so i wouldn't have to disappoint him because that's what he wanted so badly (yes, more 'people pleasing' behaviour on my part which is not good...i'm working on that).

anyone who reads this, not that anyone actually reads this, is probably wondering what the hell we fought about anyway. but it doesn't really matter. for all i care we could have been fighting about which movie to see or where to go on a road trip...it was just the really selfish way he handled things that was the real problem for me. this boy is an avoider and thinks that by not talking about things they'll just go away. or that by avoiding dealing with something, he won't have to hurt anybody's feelings and therefore his life will be easier because if you never hurt anyone's feelings then everyone will like you, right? wrong. you can't get through life never hurting anyone's feelings, it's impossible. and that's not to say that i think you should ever deliberately try to hurt someone but often dishonesty hurts way more and for much longer that the brief sting of a friend being straight-up early on. i could make excuses for him (which i have been doing): he's young, he's going through some life changes, he's trying to decide where things are going, etc....but he's not THAT young, he should know better....and who's not going through rough shit and having to make difficult decisions? everybody is.....sigh....i don't really know where i'm going with all this. i guess it's just kind of sad because he's a really nice guy and i think we could have become (and stayed) really good friends had he been honest with me along the way. and now it's too late and there's no going back.

a