a true story about the maté

there once was a young man named "j" who bought a pair of sandals from a religious cult. this cult made very good sandals as well as very good spelt bread and j was very excited about his new shoes. he wore them everywhere and with everything for many years until finally, he had worn his sandals so much that his toe had worn through the sole to the ground.

because he liked these shoes so much, j decided to find the cult and see if they could make him a new pair but alas, they no longer had a shoe shop. but one day, he ran into them at a festival and asked if they could make him some new shoes. they said sure, but only if he brought in the old ones and they gave him a phone number to call. he spoke to a strange man named ornon and they left messages back and forth about the shoes. ornon wouldn't seem to commit and the store was only open from noon to 3pm and j began to wonder if they thought he was a narc or something.

then one day, very early in the morning, ornon phoned j and told him that he could no longer make him the shoes because his manager said that "they were too busy with the maté". j said ok and hung up, however he was confused about the maté. "what is this maté?" he asked, "and why does it make them too busy to make me some sandals?" his friends tried to help. "maybe it's a religious ceremony that takes lots of preparation?" they said, "or maybe it's one of the natural products from their store?"

after a while it began to anger him, "this maté, why is it ruining everything? all i want is a new pair of shoes!" so he drove by the cult's 'natural product store' and found nothing but a dark warehouse and gates and a 'beware of dog sign'. "what a scam", j said, "this is not a store that sells organic toothpaste! what is this maté? i guess i am never getting my new sandals."

because poor j was so sad his friend decided to take him shopping for new sandals not made by a cult. at the first store they went to j told his sad story to the salesgirl. "oh," she said, " i think maté is this special tea that the cult makes." "really?" said j, "how much of this tea do they need to make?" "i don't know," she said, "but i think that's what it is."

so j bought a pair of Mephistos and laughed about the maté.




the end.